When the Holiday’s are Heavy
For as long as I can remember the holidays have been some of my most favorite days; the traditions, the decorations, time with family, the food…all of it brings so much joy and happiness. But this was the first holiday season that I had completely different feelings. I was dreading the holidays and I wanted to skip past them. I wasn’t sure how I was going to go through the month of December when all around me people were declaring it the most wonderful time of the year and I didn’t feel that way.
During this time I spent a lot of time learning how to handle my emotions and through classes, books, and conversations with wise people I learned four different ways of how to handle the holiday’s when life is heavy…
Acknowledge that it’s okay if the holidays are hard! When I felt grief instead of joy this particular holiday season it was eye opening to see how many other people were feeling the same way too. It wasn’t until I was in this position that I noticed how many people are going though such difficult times. I think we can get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the joyous season that we forget that people are hurting. Give yourself permission to grieve and feel sad. You are not required to have tidy emotions. You do not have to pretend it is all okay. It’s okay that it’s not okay.
I also learned about pre-grieving, letting yourself grieve and feel the hard emotions before the event or day comes that you know will be hard. Let yourself cry and be sad. Have someone on call, someone you trust, who understands you, who you can call if you need a pep talk or some encouragement. Part of this pre-grieving is anticipating the triggers and traditions that will carry a lot of grief. Do not dwell in the grief too much beforehand, but prepare yourself as much as you can so it is not a shock.
Focus on the “why” of celebrating theses seasons. This was such an important reminder to me. Thanksgiving of this year I was so much more grateful for God’s goodness and faithfulness and that was my focus. At Christmastime I focused on the birth of Jesus and what Christmas really means.
And lastly, (my favorite) joy and sorrow can live together. I didn’t believe this for awhile but I fully do now. I can experience great joy and great sorrow in the same moments, the same days, the same seasons. Acknowledge the grief and give thanks for the joy.